So, I listened to that CBC podcast — and I liked it.

I thought it was a very dignified interview with three people who happened to be virgins.

To be fair, one of them identified as asexual — and that sort of makes it different. But still…she’s a virgin.

The only thing that made me a little sad was listening to the one guy who was 42 who, on the one hand, identified strongly with his Roman Catholic faith but at the same time, felt like it was “over” for him and like there was no chance to find someone…and here, I don’t think the sadness was solely focused on his virginity. He sort of seemed upset that he still hadn’t found someone yet.

Ultimately, I think that’s probably what bothers most of us who are still virgins — we’re not solely seeking that physical connection to relieve us of the “burden” of being virgins. It’s that emotional connection that we’re seeking — and it’s that emotional connection that needs to be present first before you can even entertain thoughts about doing the deed and being sexually active.

And when it’s so difficult to meet someone and have a relationship, you’re bound to ask yourself if there’s something wrong with you…and in most cases, I don’t think there is. Sometimes, it just boils down to really shitty luck.

People get together every day — those who are lucky enough to have had zero trouble in this regard fail to understand why it’s so difficult for the rest of us.

Take my boss, for instance. She went online, met a guy who she invited to her place and had sex with on their first date. Now, six months later, they’re looking at moving in together and engagement ring-shopping.

(She’s an odious human being, by the way.)

Anyways…that’s that.

I don’t know if I would have been a horribly engaging person if I had appeared on that radio program, though.

I’m a virgin because I never met anybody — I have dated very casually, done everything that people usually suggest (in the same manner in which people give overweight people advice on losing weight…you know, like they never thought to do that themselves) to meet people, but I have never met anybody I wanted to be in a relationship with (and who similarly wanted the same thing of me).

The older I get, I wouldn’t say that it gets more “difficult.” It remains the same.

I don’t think my virginity defines me.

My loneliness haunts me, of course, but I’ve had to deal with that all of my life…so that’s nothing new.

The only thing at issue is my biological clock ticking. Once upon a time, I thought I wanted kids…but now, I sort of feel like that might not happen — not in any natural sense, that is.

Anyways…thought I’d post that.

I guess this is my first post of 2012…is it? I don’t remember now as I start to type this — and honestly, while things are “same old, same old” where my non-existent love life is concerned, work has been stressful.

It has been confirmed: I do not work well in teams made up predominantly of other women — especially the clique-y type who act like they’re still in high school (and talk, like, they’re, like, totally 16-years-old, ya know?).

Here’s what complicates things — and it’s a recurring thing in my career so far: there’s a new player at the top and he’s the sort of man who prefers dealing with a certain type of woman — the completely non-sexual type who isn’t flirty or charming but who knows how to get shit done.

I guess it’s the one time in my life that it has worked to my favor that I am completely, totally unattractive to men — for certain big wig types who are almost idiot-savant like in their genius with all things business, but maybe not-so-social, it’s easier to deal with a completely humorless, all-business type of female as opposed to a giggly, baby-voiced, boobs-pushed-out airhead who stalks the hallways with her posse of girlfriends. (Because, it only takes one giggly, baby-voiced, boobs-pushed-out airhead to make it into management and you just know all subsequent hires will be various friends she’s picked up along the way.)

I’ve always been an outsider with few friends — that’s just my lot in life. In the working world, I like to go in, get my work done and then go home. End of story. I don’t want to socialize after work with bimbos who never invite me along, anyway.

And, trust me, I realize that I sound sort of jealous here, but that’s not the case.

The Queen Bee of the Airhead Posse happens to be my boss…except, she barely deals with me directly because she doesn’t like me very much and has actually asked her admin assistant to assign me work like I report into the admin assistant. This assistant, by the way, is also her best friend, who you can see on Facebook posting pictures of girls’ only long-weekend trips featuring the entire clique from work.

I made the mistake of voicing my complaints to a new middle-manager who has turned out to be dumber than a sack of shit and who promptly went to my boss to tell her everything I said. Now, I am persona non grata — even more so than before.

So…yeah, I’ve been stressed.

A few weeks ago, a radio producer for the national radio station up here in Canada emailed me to ask if I might be interested in being on a radio panel to discuss the Virgin Diaries. I briefly emailed neverhadaboyfriend, who had also received an email from the radio lady.

I had zero interest in appearing on radio — especially in my home town — and couldn’t bring myself to respond. Luckily, if you go over onto http://neverhadaboyfriend.org/, you can access the podcast.

I plan on listening to it later.

So, maybe there’ll be thoughts on this later…maybe not.

I’ve recently started doing freelance work on the side, so that has been occupying a lot of my time, too.

Yup. I have no personal life.

Okay…so how many of you watched TLC’s "The Virgin Diaries" last night?

Was anybody else as horrified and embarrassed as I was? As if I didn’t think TLC should be renamed the "Freaks and Social Rejects Channel" before…now I definitely do.

Being a virgin myself, I was more than a little curious to tune in — and I winced, shielded my eyes, quickly changed the channel a couple of times, and also screamed in horror as I watched newlyweds, Ryan and Shanna awkwardly maul each other when they kissed for the first time.

They looked like they were eating each other’s faces. And even before we got to the long-awaited kiss (because not only are they virgins, but also virgin kissers) you had a series of interviews with the couple where it became painfully obvious that, while Shanna was overeager to finally kiss her groom and do the deed, Ryan seemed less so.

It was made all the more awkward because Shanna seemed completely oblivious to this fact.

In an article in the Daily Mail, Ryan admits that it wasn’t as good as he was expecting, while Shanna said it was painful.

In the article, we have this:

Speaking candidly, Ryan says: ‘It was good, but not as good as I was expecting,’ adding naively: ‘It was not really like in the movies.’

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2070048/The-Virgin-Diaries-Shanna-Ryan-consummate-marriage–say-sex-like-movies.html#ixzz1ffV2LEYs

And I cringe all over again.

The one scene that I cringed over the most was this (as described in the Daily Mail):

‘And I’ll have a surprise waiting for you’ interjects Ryan with a smile.

Shanna ploughs on with her plans: ‘We’ll have our robes on, we’ll slowly take our robes off, then do foreplay, and then have sex.’

Ryan then explains that he has never kissed a girl on the lips. ‘We’ve joked about it before, "Oh I really want to kiss you right now"’ he says, leaning close to Shanna before abruptly pulling away. ‘Oh, nope,’ he laughs.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2070048/The-Virgin-Diaries-Shanna-Ryan-consummate-marriage–say-sex-like-movies.html#ixzz1ffVFl8Rd

Okay, I’m going to say it: I think they’re freaks.

Okay, maybe more Ryan and Shanna, and not the others, but hell, I have a huge problem with how they portrayed themselves as well…and yes, I hold them responsible for behaving like naive, desperate, needy and pathetic creatures.

So what if you’ve never had sex — whether by choice or not?

Why be ashamed of that status and "confess" it to people with the sort of embarrassment that someone with an STD should have when calling up their numerous partners to inform them that, hey, they may have passed it along to them?

I get that they were doing it for "good television" (and trust me, this was not good television), but I don’t see the sense in automatically bringing up your virgin status as soon as you meet someone.

Okay — I get that you don’t date around much, but come on now…where’s the common sense here? Every person you date isn’t automatically going to be "the one" you’re going to be with forever and ever.

When (yes, I’m being optimistic here) I meet someone I’m serious about, I sure as Hell will not be bringing that sort of shit up on the first date — maybe not even on the second or third dates. If we were back at his place and it was clear that things were going in that direction, then, yes, we should have the discussion then…or maybe when you’ve reached a place where you think, "Hey, maybe this could be something"…but definitely not during your first date.

I was embarrassed for all the participants on this show and I’m furious with TLC for lumping virgins in with all the other freaks they daily showcase on their channel.

Here’s one for the jealousy files: the moronic bimbo that was hired as an assistant because she’s the manager’s best friend, received six pink roses today, delivered to the office, from her newly-minted boyfriend.

The card simply read, “Just thinking of you.”

All the girls gathered around and “oohed” and “aahed” while I sat in my cubicle and tried to concentrate on the piling work on my desk.

I felt this sting of rejection — I felt like a loser…not just in the dating world, but in life.

Always the one left standing on the sidelines while this moronic bimbo was dating three different guys at once and has now narrowed it down to this stupid shmuck who sends her flowers at work.

She pretended to be embarrassed, loudly saying, “OH MY GOD! SO EMBARRASSING! HE SENT ME ROSES! SO HUMILIATING!!!”

She’s crass, clomps around like she owns the place, and gets paid to essentially give our manager unsolicited dating advice and talk endlessly about her oh-so-fabulous life (I’m being sarcastic).

I sort of really, totally hate her.

I know it’s really just jealous, but sometimes, I find myself thinking dark things — like how much I’d like to smash her knee caps with a baseball bat or throw my mug of hot coffee in her face.

Anyways…

In other news, I’ve joined the company’s “Fit and Fabulous” weight loss club.

Me and a bunch of other chunky monkeys get together every week to do a weigh-in and exchange dieting tips.

Recently though, this skinny girl joined. I think she has delusions of being Jillian Michaels or something because she’s been lecturing us on how it’s not just about dieting and how we need to get our fat asses onto treadmills. She’s trying to get us to all go to the gym together during lunch (there’s one near by and our company offers a corporate discount).

I think I might actually do it, though. Like, why not? Maybe losing some of this weight (and I have to be honest her: I’m not that overweight…but I could stand to lose some belly fat) will make me feel better.

Yesterday, there was this article about this matchmaker who, for a fee of about $1,500, will basically hold your hand as you tip toe your way into the online dating world.

The reporter starts off the article like this: “Now that dating has veered so hard towards the online realm, it seems almost retro to take proceedings back to the bar.”

The first sentence was the only thing that I kept coming back to and thinking about.

Why?

Well, most of my fellow bloggers who are firmly entrenched in the same boat as me will know the roller coaster ride we call online dating — sometimes we want on the ride, most of the time, we want off.

Has dating really veered that hard onto the online realm, though?

Why do I continually find myself reading about or hearing about people who didn’t meet online? Did they just lie about how they met?

I’m considering dropping out of the online dating world again because — well, I haven’t had any success.

To recap the old story: the guys I’m interested in and want to know better never respond to my emails. The ones I’m not interested in — the pot-bellied, balding, older divorced men — will sporadically email me.

Sometimes, I’ll force myself to go out on dates with the guys who seem okay — like, technically, there’s nothing “wrong” with them. And some of you even encourage me onwards, saying, “Well, if there’s nothing wrong with him, give him another chance!”

Is that what it comes down to? For those of us who have failed so badly at dating (nevermind relationships…let’s take baby steps and just manage to date someone for a couple of times), is it a matter of just trying to stick it out with someone who’s got nothing wrong with them because…well, isn’t the main message here that it’s better to be with someone than with no one at all?

I guess a part of me just thinks, “Well, am I closing the door on the only avenue that I have of possibly ever meeting someone?”

But then I think about how miserably I’ve failed at connecting with anybody — and then think, maybe it’s my fate that I will never be with anyone. Maybe my fate is to die alone one day and for someone to eventually find my skeleton three years later when they realize I’m behind on my rent. (Based on a true story found in the newspaper…read previous post.)

And the thing is…the things I thought I wanted…well, now I question how badly I want them.

Do I even want kids anymore?

I don’t know. I find them cute in small doses, but then I think about how they eventually grow out of that cute phase and they’re just a financial and emotional burden and drain that’s tethered to you for the rest of your life.

Do I want to be married?

I honestly don’t know.

The last guy who contacted me was a bartender.

A 37-year-old bartender who made it clear that he had a number of other girls he was checking out and talking to online, but that I was close to the top and he wanted me to be his first date.

I’ll admit it: I was mainly turned off by what he did for a living.

I also wasn’t extremely attracted to him.

Who the hell asks someone out through email? It’s so fucking lame.

I get it; we’re all shy — but seriously, it’s never okay to ask someone out via email or text. And lately, I’ve dated plenty of those.

Another guy asked me out via text, didn’t plan the date, and then criticized me (jokingly, he claimed) for my choice of where to go and what to eat (even though he kept shrugging and saying, “I don’t know” whenever I asked him what he wanted to eat or where he wanted to go…oh, and by the way, he was also late for the date). When he followed up via text if I felt like going on a second date, I initially said yes, but then after he “jokingly” insulted me (because all of his jokes were insults), I didn’t bother responding to his text…and then, never heard from him again until a month later when he asked, “So, did we break up?”

A 60-something man with bad teeth, sallow skin, and a vaguely serial killer vibe about him emailed me the other day and said his last Asian girlfriend was very sexually satisfying in bed and wanted to know if I was up for the task of being her successor.

I felt all at once depressed and on the verge of tears.

I haven’t cried myself to sleep in a long time because I think my heart has shriveled to the size of a tiny pebble, but the other night, two tears leaked out before I angrily swiped at them and rolled over and went to sleep.

I just have zero patience for self-pity anymore.

Recently got this email from one of the online dating sites:

"Konnichiwa! Ni hao ma? The last woman I dated was Asian. Please read my profile and let me know if you’re interested too!"

Click on profile link to reveal a balding, pot-bellied middle aged man with the face of a diseased child molester.

DELETE.

Uh, I think I’m done.

Read this horrifying article the other day about a 38-year-old woman named Joyce Carol Vincent who died in her apartment — and wasn’t discovered for three whole years.

Finally, people came around to her apartment because she was really behind on rent — they broke down the door and found her skeleton in front of the TV (which was still on all this time) and a bunch of Christmas presents she’d been wrapping for friends.

Nobody bothered to check up on her. Not once in all three years.

A British documentary maker made a film about Joyce and when I sent the link to a friend, she later mimicked the so-called friends interviewed in the documentary (doing a great fake British accent): "Oh yes! She had a LOVELY voice! She was just LOVELY!! Oh! Dead, you say? Golly, how awful!" (Ok, so nobody said that, exactly.)

But, I couldn’t help thinking, "Christ…that could be me."

It’s what all of us singletons fear, though, isn’t it? Not mattering — nobody caring. Just…disappearing and nobody even noticing you’ve been gone for three whole years.

There’s just a sadness to it all that’s almost unbearable.

I get the feeling that, no matter where I work, it’s always the same.

I’m not talking about the job, but rather, the field I’m in — and the type of people who are usually successful and in powers of position.

I’ve never really been comfortable in places where cliques develop because — and this should be no surprise to any of you — I was a loner in high school.

When I look back on those years, there weren’t any real stand out memories — not good ones, anyway.

I’d eat lunch on my own, go to class, and then head home as soon as possible.

At work, it gets difficult because you’re expected to be a "team player" and that often means getting involved in things outside of work that I don’t want to be involved in — like getting drinks after work with people I don’t particularly like.

My new therapist thinks I’m too entrenched in my ways and that I cling to my routines — even though I don’t like them and often feel lonely sticking to them — because at least they’re comfortable.

Anyways, when I quit my old job to take this "new" one — for much less pay, I might add — I seriously thought I was sacrificing a great salary for less stress and a happier work environment. But, as my therapist has helped me to see, no matter where I go, there I am, so I have to really work on my own way of seeing the world if I want things to be "happier."

I know I compare myself too much to others who are the same age as me — and I can’t help but feel as though I’m lacking in comparison and that this is the great secret as to why I’m unhappy with the way my life has unfolded.

Embarrassingly enough, I even went to a psychic for some "answers" once and he told me there was nothing wrong with me, that I would have everything that everyone else had — it just wouldn’t come to my life until later. I also needed to stop comparing myself to other people if I wanted to be happy, he told me.

I’m back to living at home with the parents again — and the thing is, I think I actually prefer it because it makes me feel less lonely. I like coming home to people — even if it’s my parents — as opposed to being alone and suffocating in further loneliness.

I know other people look at me and think, "God, how can you sacrifice your independence?" as if independence was the be-all and end-all of existence.

But you know what? In spite of this step "backwards" I feel a little less alone — and for now, home is where I want to be.

So, got this gem today through OKCupid from a guy who promptly disabled his account right afterwards:"You seem kind like bitch – you might have more luck if you were nice. Don’t think you know how things are."

Strangely, it doesn’t bother me.

My reasoning? Obviously, he’s kind of a dick himself — and he also would have more luck if he were nice. Plus, I don’t think he know how things are, either.

I would have loved to have written a response like that — you know, because I’m a bitch — but unfortunately, his account was disabled…which means he’s a colossal pussy who can dish out the shit, but is apparently too much of a coward to take any of it in.

Match.com: A 15-Million Member Scam, Says Class Action

Over on Women’s Health Magazine, there was an article about how Match.com is a scam.

You know what?

Throw eHarmony into the mix, too!

Whenever someone mentions to me — usually, this is at work — that they’re going to start online dating, they always pooh pooh the notion of using a free site in favor of the fee-based ones because they think that paying will get you a better quality match.

Not so.

This article reiterates some of my biggest beefs with fee-based sites:

I’m miffed with Match.

I just learned more than 90 percent of Match members are actually canceled subscribers, people who signed up for a free test account but never subscribed (so they can send and receive messages), duplicates, and even profiles the company created. Why? To boost its numbers and get online dating hopefuls (like me!) to pay the $40-a-month subscription fee, according to a class actionnow in Federal Court.

That means that less than 10 percent of the 15 million members Match.com boasts (like in all of these ads!) actually exist and are meet-able.

And, to get my thong in an even tighter twist, the suit charges that the “Online Now” and “Active Within One Hour” signals on Match are often flat-out lies.

The good news is that I feel a whole lot better about all those messages I’ve sent that never got a response.

xo,
Click-n-Tell

So, a week ago, on OK Cupid (yes, I’ve been jumping around on a lot of the sites), a guy actually wasted time to email me and say, “I am insulted that this site actually thinks we’re a good match.”

The reason we were a “good match”? We answered over 80% of our questions in the exact same way.

So, let’s put the fact that we think along a somewhat similar wavelength aside — the only thing that’s left is looks. He probably took one look at my pictures and decided I wasn’t good looking enough for him, and hence, he was insulted.

Mind you, he wasn’t very good looking himself. He was a scrawny Asian guy with a shaved head who looked like he was trying too hard to act like a gangster thug who belonged in a Triad…you know, one of those low-level idiots who turn red-faced after drinking a few sips of beer and who spends more than he actually has, drives a flashy car that he’s tricked out, and thinks he’s a lot cooler than he really is.

I emailed a pretty lame response back — something along the lines of how it’s even more insulting to discover someone has actually wasted his time to write an insulting message to you…but that you can’t really teach class or a sense of humor.

Then I blocked him.

If I could go back, I’d write something a lot nastier. Maybe the description that I just gave you guys.

Went on a date yesterday and it was okay.

I have an older co-worker who’s also doing the online dating thing and she thinks that I’m too hung up on the notion of how falling in love is “supposed” to feel and that because I’m in search of those elusive “sparks” I’m automatically dismissing guys after one date even when the guy is easy to talk to and perfectly nice.

I’ll be honest: I’m all about settling now.

I just don’t feel like it’s realistic to continue the hunt for some sort of all-consuming passionate love. I don’t think it exists for me and I also think that my friends and family are right: that I’ve wasted way too much time searching for something that takes time to develop.

The date was really very okay. He was easy to talk to — apart from the initial nerves when we first saw each other. And it was…it was just okay.

I keep saying “okay” but that’s the only word I can think of. I didn’t walk away feeling like, “I’d really like to see him again.” I walked away thinking, “Ah well. If I never hear from him again, it’ll be okay.”

I don’t know.

A long time ago, I used to follow this blog of a girl who hadn’t ever dated. She did the online dating thing, met a guy she wasn’t particularly keen on, and who didn’t seem particularly keen on her, too. But…they started dating because it seemed like they were both desperately lonely and tired of being alone…and while their relationship wasn’t perfect and it seemed like a complete farce based on what she was writing, they fell into this routine of being together…and I think they still are. (I’ll have to check.)

I remember feeling a little disappointed with her and thinking that she should have continued to look…but now I realize that maybe you can build something with someone and maybe, ultimately, because you both set out with this sense of, “I’m going to make this work”, it eventually does work.

I don’t know.