Do you think it’s possible to get so used to being alone — and occassionally lonely — that it doesn’t really bother you all that much anymore?

I think that the one thing that’s always bugged me more than being alone is the notion of anybody feeling sorry for me.

I guess the main reason I’m thinking about all of this again is because the other night, when I met up with Makeup Artist Girl, she mentioned just how “desperate” things had become with Super Shy Girl.

She reported that Super Shy Girl, who had, up until now, firmly maintained that God would deliver the right man to her doorsteps, had started tentatively borrowing books from the library on how to do her makeup properly and get noticed.

In some ways, I get it — she’s 27 now and she’s never been out on a date in her entire life.

But it sort of bothered me when Makeup Artist Girl lowered her voice — even though we were the only people in the car and, unless it was bugged, nobody could have possibly heard us — and said, “Isn’t that just so sad?”

I didn’t say anything and just shrugged it off.

I don’t really know Super Shy Girl — I’d only met her once at a party and made stilted conversation with her. (I later learned that she was sort of puzzled because Makeup Artist Girl has talked me up so much that she assumed I’d be the life of the party. But, you know what? Sometimes, you have your off days and, even though, for the most part, I’m able to float around at a party where I don’t know anybody, that particular night, I just wanted to sit at home and do nothing.)

It’s not easy meeting people — I definitely know that.

Seriously, sometimes, I wonder how certain people even manage to find people to be with.

Like this one guy that I work with? The Loner?

Trust me, I was really surprised when he mentioned his wife (common-law), I almost asked, “Seriously? Someone actually chose to be with you?”

Okay, yes, that sounds mean, but he’s seriously weird — like, he once mentioned how, if it were possible to never leave his house and to just communicate with the outside world through computer, then that’d be his idea of paradise. But that’s not even the main reason I sort of find him odious. I mean, I’m relatively new to the team, but I actually click better with everybody else and make more of an effort to hang out and talk to them.

The Loner, on the other hand, won’t even stick around to make idle chit chat when people get together for drinks after work.

For some weird reason, though, he likes me and thinks we’re on the same page about a lot of things — and maybe that’s why he thinks it’s perfectly okay to say some of shit that he does. But in the end, all that accomplishes is making him seem like this insufferable know-it-all who looks down on other people for no good reason at all.

But I digress.

As Brian once said in My So-Called Life:

“If you, like, analyze why certain people end up with certain other people, it’ll make you want to kill yourself.”

I think the biggest joke in the world is how a lot of people actually turn to me for relationship advice.

Me. The girl who’s not in a relationship and who’s never really been in love. (You can’t count unrequited love — ’cause that’s just one big mind fuck where you wind up seriously hating yourself for wanting someone who doesn’t even really deserve your time or energy.)

So, when Makeup Artist Girl was talking about all of this and then suddenly turned to me and said, “One of my projects this year is to find Super Shy Girl a boyfriend and to find you a husband” all I could think was, “Um, gee, thanks.”

Makeup Artist Girl isn’t the first one to say this to me. Cutthroat Bitch has often entered each new work environment telling me she’s going to look around and find me someone who’s “worthy.”

And while it’s sort of nice that my friends feel compelled to look on my behalf, I sort of feel like it’s bullshit at the same time.

The thing is, it’s not so much about giving up hope that I’ll find someone who — at this point, all I’m really looking for is someone I’m on the same wave-length with who also happens to like me back — I can settle down with. I just sort of feel like, I can’t let myself be consumed with thinking about this.

I know that saying, “Never say never” but I think I can confidently say that I never want to have the kinds of relationships that most of my friends are in right now.

I actually feel happier being alone (for now) than I would if I was with:

• a much older, overly criticial guy who thinks he knows better just because he’s older — and who chalks everything that I do (that he disagrees with) as me being immature
• a secretive, controlling guy who has anger issues and an overactive sex drive
• an overgrown kid who has weight issues and who turns everything into a joke, never really stepping up to certain responsibilities now that he’s a father
• a socially awkward shy guy who barely makes eye contact or any semblance of conversation with my family

So, yeah…while my friends might love these guys and these men are right for them, they’re not right for me.

Maybe that makes me sound overly picky, but I don’t really think it’s that.

I just haven’t clicked with anybody yet.

Okay. End of subject.