Have the rest of you ever come across this article by Lori Gottlieb last year in The Atlantic?

Over dinner with my mother last night, I glumly said, “I think I finally see the light now.”

Gottlieb basically says it’s better to settle instead of holding out for your dream man to show up.

She writes:
…no matter what women decide—settle or don’t settle—there’s a price to be paid, because there’s always going to be regret. Unless you meet the man of your dreams (who, by the way, doesn’t exist, precisely because you dreamed him up), there’s going to be a downside to getting married, but a possibly more profound downside to holding out for someone better.

Remember when I told you guys about how I had a miserably married friend who told me she’d never leave her alcoholic, chronically unemployed husband (who, by the way, has punched and raped her a couple of times) because she sees how hard it is for me being the chronically single gal?

Well, when I read this bit in Gottlieb’s piece, I suddenly saw things in a different light:
As the only single woman in my son’s mommy-and-me group, I used to listen each week to a litany of unrelenting complaints about people’s husbands and feel pretty good about my decision to hold out for the right guy, only to realize that these women wouldn’t trade places with me for a second, no matter how dull their marriages might be or how desperately they might long for a different husband. They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realize that marriage ultimately isn’t about cosmic connection—it’s about how having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.

She admits that it’s hard to just settle — as much as she’d love to, she can’t bring herself to just yet.

My problem with all this?

Where and how do I meet someone I’m willing to settle for and who’ll want to settle for me?

That date I went on a few weeks ago? I was underwhelmed and felt no chemistry or sparks, but what struck me most of all was that he seemed like a really nice guy — the kind of guy who’d make a good friend, husband and father (which, ultimately, is what I’m looking for).

I told myself: if he asks me out again, I’ll go.

But he disappeared on me — which just means that I’m not someone he was willing to settle for.

You know, as much as I’d love to run away from my overly negative, down-in-the-dumps bemoaning over being single, I think that the loneliness and the depression over this sort of crashes down on me sometmes.

It just sucks feeling this lonely.

And now, finally — finally — I understand why so many of my friends choose to stay with the guys they’re with…because, really, who’d want to swap places with me, anyway?

Yes, I have a great career that challenges me, but as all of my friends pair off, I find myself trying to keep myself occupied on my own…and being on your own is really, really lonely.