So, here’s something I’ve been pretty confused about:
Over on eHarmony, I’m matched up with this guy — he seems interesting (and by interesting, I really mean he’s cute) — and I decide to send him a communication, which leads to nothing.
He doesn’t say “Sayonara” but he doesn’t do anything else, either.
Yet, he’s taken a gander at my profile again. So, what does that mean? Is he waiting for me to finally give up and say, “Okay, fine. You’re not interested, but you’re weirded out by having to tell me that you’re not interested, so you’ve waited for me to turf your profile into the reject pile. Okay. Fine.”
The thing is, I’m tempted to actually e-mail him and ask him, “What’s up with this?”
Last night, the former co-worker-turned-friend, Amelie, brought over the DVD, “He’s Just Not That Into You” and a number of bottles of wine.
We sat on the balcony for a bit, just talking, mulling over the situation when she said: “I’d say e-mail him, but at the same time, once I read ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’, I took every thing that Greg Behrendt said to heart. If the guy wants you, he’ll let you know, right? Everything else is just a lame excuse.”
The danger with having read “He’s Just Not That Into You” and strictly resolving not to be so pathetic as all the examples in the book is that…well, you wind up being this cold, remote Ice Queen.
I have to admit that, creeping up on years and still being a virgin makes me more of an Ice Queen than I’d like to be.
I’ve never been an openly affectionate sort of person — and a part of me thinks that, when I finally make it into a relationship that’s going to last, my weird intimacy issues might be a HUGE problem.
Anyways…the movie was sort of a cop-out.
I mean, the one thing we kept hearing throughout the movie was, “You’re the rule, not the exception.”
All those crazy stories that we hear about girls who finally find their knight in shining armour after all the shit they’ve been put through — well, those girls are the exception. The rule is: every time we’ve been put through crap by a guy, it’s because he’s not interested.
End of story.
Yet, all of “good” girls in the movie wound up being the exception — they found happiness and got exactly what they wanted from their guys.
That sort of bummed me out, but I guess it might have been the wine talking, too.
Amelie actually thinks there might be something to the case for settling — even though another co-worker, Meg, thinks Amelie is talking crazy.
Meg’s also single — but there’s this weird, crazy energy about her (and not in a good way) that makes her really stressful to be around because she makes a big deal out of everything and hypes up the “Independent Woman” thing to sort of try and convince everybody that she’s doing great and doesn’t need anybody.
That’s fine and great — if it were true. It just gets to a point where you have to ask, “Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?”
this is too funny: i just watched “he’s just not that into you” on the airplane home, and also thought it was full of lameness. the thing is in the movie the women had to be the exceptions b/c that’s what makes a mainstream fluffy romance that hollywood thinks people want to see.
also re: “settling” – i think maybe another way of saying that is “having more realistic expectations.” if you have an ideal mate in mind, no one will ever live up to those expectations, and no matter who you choose will feel like you’re settling. i mean, the definition of “ideal” is “absolute perfection.”
but then i understand your point about well how the heck do i even meet anyone to settle on? i remember when i was having such a hard time while internet dating, one of my friends said, “don’t you ever just meet anyone walking around? i do all the time.” that just made me feel like crap.
By: angela on June 28, 2009
at 9:19 pm
The movie is just a sad Hollywood attempt to make a few bucks. That’s why everyone ends up with someone- and it is damn annoying too.
Before, when the book was out, I could easily quote it to my girlfriends whenever they met a bum, after watching the movie, they are determined that they are the exception- which is very unlikely. But the movie kind of kills the point. They needed to leave more rejected females out but who is really going to come out and watch a movie where are the women are alone just like in real life?
“Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?”
Exactly. I’m that “independant woman” too. It’s all an act.
By: girlslashwoman on June 29, 2009
at 3:54 am
I know the movie is unrealistic in the fact that almost all of the lead characters get what they want (a relationship!) but I have to say that I really could relate to a few things. It came out at a time where I, personally, really needed to hear some of what it had to say. Almost at the exact time I saw it in theaters, I was going through almost precisely what the lead character was going through – spilled my heart to a guy and was pretty much rejected. And, although she actually did end up with him in the end, that’s purely a Hollywood thing. I mean, who wants to come out of a movie completely hopeless?? They have to leave audiences with a little shred of hope (even though for most of us it just left us bitter anyway!)
I think, though, that this was one of the most helpful and resonating quotes in the movie. I needed to move on, and I still look to this quote for a kind of motivation to keep on keeping on:
“And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.”
Cheesy…Hollywood…but kind of true. I mean, don’t get me wrong, lots of the movie made me roll my eyes, huff and say that it doesn’t happen in real life…but some of it really made me go “Hmm…that’s pretty much spot on.”
By: ~AV~ on June 29, 2009
at 12:59 pm
i have a problem with that movie… and it’s mainly ‘coz everyone got to be the exception when in reality i think a lot more of us are the rules. the movie probably just wanted to go for a happy ending but instead left me feeling less than impressed and kinda disgruntled at being letdown from my initial expectations that it was going to shock me outta being pathetic and not giving up on a guy when i’m the rule.
on that note, i think you already expressed your interest when you sent that first communication. maybe he’s still contemplating if he’s interested enough. i guess in some ways it’s a numbers game. so go out there and sent more communications, someone is bound to respond.
By: jo on June 29, 2009
at 7:05 pm