Posted by: ecrivain | August 17, 2008

Field Of Dreams

Don’t ask me why, but I was really offended when a single friend kept insisting that I read this self-help book that she now considers her personal Bible.

I came short of actually saying, “Look — you might need to read this book about learning to love yourself and all of that crap, but I don’t. I friggin’ love myself!”

Okay, so that would have been a lie — no, sorry. It used to be a lie. I’m really working on this…and I mean, when you think about it, any of you who have been reading my blog for awhile would totally be within rights to call me out on the fact that I’ve often mentioned reading self-help books…so why all of this resistence to taking her suggestion and checking out the book?

I thought about it. You know what I think it is? I look at her and I actually sort of find her a little pathetic. Maybe it’s because she’s so damn vocal about how all she wants is to find love and get married and how she believes God has someone wonderful waiting for her and that one day soon, she’ll look back on all of this and just laugh.

Of course, she thinks we’re in the same boat.

We never feel quite so pathetic when we have at least one other friend who’s in the same boat, you know? And deep down inside, we all think the same thing: as long as I get married before her, then that’s all that matters.

(And on the flip side, it’s sort of devestating when that one person you always thought would never hook up with anybody in a million years actually finds love before you do.)

I guess I was just afraid that I came off looking and sounding the way she does — like, really naive and unrealistic about a lot of things in life. She doesn’t sound like she enjoys life because all she does is sit around and focus on how love hasn’t come her way yet.

So…yeah…I’m totally afraid of coming off the same way — and I think that’s why I really work at not only appearing independent, but actually being independent.

Anyways…I was beyond irritated when she ignored my declaration of how, “I don’t read those kinds of books” and brought along a copy for me to read, anyway.

So, the book was about this fancy hotshot lawyer who has a heart attack and then decides to give up his fast paced lifestyle to seek enlightenment in India, where he meets these monks who teach him all about life.

It was kind of cheesy, but the underlying message was…well, it was stuff most of us have read about in other self-help books. You know…stuff about how your thoughts dictate what happens in your life and that you need to visualize where you want to be in order to get there.

What was interesting, though, was this one bit where Robin Sharma (he’s the guy who wrote the book) talks about how, we shouldn’t look down on people who read cheesy self-help books because they’re genuinely trying to improve their lives…and what’s so wrong with that?

Another thing he wrote about was how your self-image is a self-fulfilling prophecy which will prevent you from finding the perfect partner if all you ever think about is how you’re “destined” to be alone. He said that this self-image will actually sabotage any efforts you might make to have love come into your life.

Is it really as simple as that?

I almost feel like this is Field of Dreams or something — if you build it, they will come! Or rather, if you think about him, he will come!

Just yesterday, the friend who’s getting married in the next couple of years asked who I’d be bringing with me to her wedding and I started to say — well, I actually said it — that I’d probably show up alone. I mean, I seriously believed that two years would pass and I’d still be solo. Meanwhile, both this friend and my mother were like, “You don’t know what can happen in two years!”

My mother even went so far as to say that I could be married in two years time.

I wanted to laugh — as in, bitter laughter, you know? Not so much, “This is friggin’ hilarious!” laughter — but instead, I decided to just say, “Let’s see what happens” and leave it at that.

So, hey guys…if you could  have everything you want in a man, what would he look like? What would he be like?

You know how The Secret always goes on about how you have to be really specific about what you want in order to have the Universe bring it to you?

Let’s just play pretend for a bit and have a bit of fun with this…what are you looking for in a man?

Let’s get specific!



  1. Hmm, what would my man be like? Well, I think he should be sort of similar to me in a way, by that I mean we’d probably get along better if we shared similar interests and if he was more introverted (less intimidating haha). A dark-haired, British-accented, Jude Law-looking kind of guy would be perfect! I’d want him to be soft-spoken, kind, sensitive, considerate, friendly, you know the whole works. You know, just your all around nice guy!

  2. hmm, let’s see. If I could build him and he would come (haha) he would definitely have dark hair and blue eyes. He would be a few inches taller than me and would be trim and toned, but not too muscular. He would definitely be funny and would play the guitar. He would charm me and all of my friends. He would be sweet and romantic and love to have long conversations. Oh and he would definitely know how to cook and would love music.

  3. i can’t believe that your friend would actually ask who you’d be bringing with you to her wedding in 2 years time. i mean that’s crazy. even if you were with someone right now, you could break up with that person and find someone else in 2 years time.

    sometimes i don’t know if i’m trying to be realistic or that i’m just pessimistic. maybe the whole visualising / “the secret” thing does work for some people. but somehow i never quite caught onto it. then again it’s not like i’m living quite the life so who am i to say.

    in general i’m okay withself help books though some of ’em are so cheesy. but it can be fun to just read some of ’em.

    as for what i’m looking for in a man… wow… that’s some list…

    he should share the same values as i do and be able to accept me for all the quirkyness that i am. in fact he himself should have a lil quirky in him too. he would be sincere and love me and not be a player. have a sense of humour, be possibly musically inclined and reasonably athletic. of ‘coz i would have to find him attractive. i usually like tall dark haired guys with nice smiles.

    hmm maybe i’m too picky? haha!

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