Posted by: ecrivain | August 19, 2012

I haven’t been following the Olympics, so the first time I heard about Lolo Jones was through the Salon article that I posted last night.

Now, I’m fascinated and can’t seem to stop reading about her.

Granted, Access Hollywood isn’t exactly “real” journalism, but here’s something interesting that she said in an interview with them:

…Lolo – who emphasized that she’s single by choice — admitted that she gets tired of people on Twitter asking why she’s not dating anyone.

“That’s one of the main reasons, because literally there are so many people who aren’t willing to wait for their future spouse. They want to have sex now, they want to hook up,” Lolo – who has openly spoken about being a virgin — said. “That’s their life. My life is something else.”

As someone who values waiting for the right guy, Lolo admitted it’s been a challenge meeting her prince charming.

“I’ve complained about this to all my friends,” Lolo told Access. “‘When am I going to finally meet the man of my dreams, my husband, and experience, you know?’ Please, end this drought.”

I’ve been overthinking my virgin status lately.

Here’s the thing: yes, I complain a lot in this journal — but the reason I complain a lot here is because I don’t dare to complain out loud to anybody else.

I’m not a fool — nobody wants to hang around the bitter whiner who’s always complaining. The only way you get ahead in life is by pretending you’re okay — and it’s surprisingly easy to do that. You just flip everything back to the other person because most people don’t understand how to listen and are just waiting for their turn to talk.

The main reason other people love telling me stuff — and really, I hear loads of things that people are better off keeping to themselves — is because I really listen to them.

But, that also means I have nobody to confide in because I don’t trust other people.

Over the span of the last eight months, things have changed a little…it’s the main reason I haven’t updated all that much. Slowly, little by little, in painfully tiny increments, I’ve landed in a weird place.

Having never really been in a relationship before, I don’t like to presume to know someone else’s feelings — but often, there are some painfully obvious signs that are too hard to ignore…even if you like to lie to yourself so that you can protect yourself in case things aren’t what you thought. So…all of this is just to say that there’s this man — this man, who, if something were to happen with him, would be completely inappropriate because he’s married, he’s got kids, he’s a lot older and I also work for him.

Can you imagine a worse combination? I know that nothing can happen with him. Full stop. But honestly, in the last little bit, I’ve started to understand how people wind up having affairs because I don’t know if I genuinely have feelings for this man — I think I just like the fact that he wants me…and as disgusting as this sounds, I actually wouldn’t mind losing my virginity to him…but I know I won’t. What can I say? I’m a prude on top of being a virgin. But still…I can’t help thinking about it a lot.

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Responses

  1. This is what really resonated with me:

    I don’t dare to complain out loud to anybody else.

    The only way you get ahead in life is by pretending you’re okay — and it’s surprisingly easy to do that. You just flip everything back to the other person because most people don’t understand how to listen and are just waiting for their turn to talk.

    The main reason other people love telling me stuff — and really, I hear loads of things that people are better off keeping to themselves — is because I really listen to them.

    ———————————-

    It’s so easy to deflect attention from yourself and be the good listener. It’s so easy to make up a cover story if anyone asks, but they never do because most are too busy with their own drama to care – unless you bring it up. I’m also the person people “vent” at – and that bothers me more and more. I’m sick of people treating me like I’m a toilet they can vomit or piss into whenever they have a problem. I’m not a therapist either. I can only handle so much. I think turning 30 is changing me.

    I also have a fascination with Lolo and wish her well.

    That work situation sounds weird indeed, but very common. It reminded me of a college friend who had an affair with a married co-worker a couple years ago and she would blog about all their sexual encounters. She is now in a serious relationship with another guy and the blog is long gone.

  2. It’s totally understandable that getting that kind of attention does feel good, even if the guy is married. But deciding that you won’t follow through with it doesn’t make you a prude – it makes you a principled person. I would think that there are lots of other guys out there who would want you like this guy does and aren’t married.

    To be honest, I also think that this comment is not coming together as I intended – I can imagine you rolling your eyes at my third sentence and possibly feeling lectured at by my second. Apologies if so. I don’t mean it like that. For some reason I’m not coming up with better ways to express this. I think I mean something like “maybe this guy can be a sign of others to come who won’t be taken.”

  3. I go through phases of overthinking the virgin problem too. Sometimes I feel like the bloody blog is holding me back.
    I was sorry to hear that you were getting mean comments on your posts. Honestly, I don’t understand what good it serves to these people to act like assholes. Do they actually think you spend all your time moping in real life? Our blogs are outlets. We don’t type when we’re happy, we’re too busy being happy and enjoying ourselves. When we’re upset, we want to rant and since no one else will understand, we do it on our blogs. You have to be ridiculously daft not to understand that.
    As for the married man, I feel like I’m kind of going through the same thing with this guy who is also somewhat unattainable (distance-not-married-problem). We latch on the hope and close ourselves to other options. It’s the most damning and damaging thing.


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