Posted by: ecrivain | August 25, 2013

What’s the point of being a great catch is nobody wants to catch you?

I think I’ve either gotten better at pretending everything’s okay or I’m just used to it. Like, when you’re single for a really, really long time (in my case, all of my life), you don’t know any different.

You imagine that life is better as a twosome, but because you’ve never experienced — and probably never will — you just learn to bump along life from one day to the next and try and put it out of your mind.

I have a former co-worker who considers me her best friend. She always says, “Stop it” when I start going down this road.

Easy for her to say. She’s been in a relationship for most of her adult life and now has three kids with the man.

I know one thing I’ve struggled with — more and more — is this irrational jealousy towards other women.

Take one of my co-workers for example. She’s tall, blonde, leggy, lazy, self-absorbed and obnoxious. Yet, the hot guy on our floor — the one who freelances as a photographer — is always hanging around her.

For the most part, I try to ignore her. She can tell that I am not her biggest fan…yet, she remains pleasant towards me — as if to say, “Your pettiness doesn’t bother me because you are so unimportant to my life.” And, thinking about it, that’s how I should behave, too.

Here’s another example: my brother-in-law’s sister is a year older than me. She’s got one of those extremely bland personalities coupled with a meekness that makes you want to scream. She actually looks dopey.

When my sister and her husband went on a double date with her and a guy she’d been set up with, my sister reported back that it was the most painfully awkward dinner she’d ever been forced to sit through. Her sister-in-law was rendered mute and offered only one-word answers.

I’ve met this woman on a number of occassions and she’s got this dumb look perpetually plastered on her face. She’s only one year older than me but dresses like a grandmother. She’s frumpy and doesn’t take care of herself.

And yet she now has a boyfriend!

How is this even possible?!

I know, I know. You, like some of my friends, might say, “Well, is her boyfriend someone you would date?”

No. Most definitely not…but I can’t help but feel like I’m falling further and further behind, languishing in some no man’s land of rejection.

That, ultimately, is what bothers me the most.

Granted, I don’t talk about this out loud anymore because I’m fully aware of how I sound. (Which, I’ll have to admit, is the main reason I’ve decided to resurrect this blog and start writing in here…even though I’ve gotten flack in the past for revealing myself to be an absolutely loathesome person who “deserves” to be alone…or so sayeth some commenters.)

Anyway…

Another reason it’s been emotionally rough-going lately is because there’s this guy at work who is really cute, but who has a girlfriend who…when I look at her, I think, “Seriously?”

Sure, she’s probably “nice” but sometimes — okay, all the time — I wonder, “What is about one person over another that makes them worthy of love over another?”

I don’t reveal any of these ugly thoughts in front of other people; most people who meet me think I’m a barrel of laughs and fun to be around; people find me easy to confide in (like the guy at work that I just mentioned); I’ve been told that I’m very attractive…but I’ve also been told I’m very picky…and you know what? I don’t think my single status has to do with being picky.

My problem is that nobody seems to think I’m worth dating — despite being told over and over again how “great” I am.

What’s the point of being a great catch is nobody wants to catch you?

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Responses

  1. I am glad I stumbled on upon this post. Almost everything you have said is exactly how I feel. It good to know i’m not alone. I’ve been single pretty much all my life too and by the looks of it i think i’m going to be single for the rest of it.

  2. Ah yes, that whole thing about being “a catch.” What is that supposed to mean? It’s so subjective. People are attracted to different things. There’s nothing worse than trying to explain why you are single — one should not have to.

    Your “ugly” thoughts are totally normal. I, for one, have plenty of them.

    I personally tend to find myself irrationally jealous of couples as opposed to just women. If I know the couple (i.e. they are my friends or nice coworkers), I cannot hate them. But it’s the random couples — especially the good looking ones who seem so totally connected — that really bother me and turn my eyes green with envy. I wonder what it’s like to be inside such a bubble. And then I realize that people are never what they seem. That “happy” couple could have a very toxic relationship.

    Don’t listen to the haters that comment or any negative people in general (cut them out of your life like a cancer). You are not alone in “no man’s land.” If I make new friends, they are usually women around my age or a little older who have been single for a very long time — or gay men.

    BTW: Being tall and blonde does not guarantee romantic interests….trust me on this one.

    P.S. Glad you are back to blogging. I hope someday you find the happiness you deserve, whether internal or external. I am rooting for you.

    • Thanks — I’m rooting for you, too. I mean, there’s gotta be some hope out there for us, right?

  3. Thanks for the comment!

    I am also glad to see you back!

    I get where you are coming from with the jealousy…I do it all the time with some wedding/couple tumblrs I follow. Sometimes you really do just wonder about some couples in light of some obvious eccentricities that one individual in the relationship has.

    Jealousy is irrational, but we are human…and at least we have a healthy avenue to vent said jealousies…

    So it is all good by me.

  4. amazing we’re on the same page all these years later huh? 😦 and yet some days there’s still an optimism that surfaces saying things will change…either i will find happiness within myself and my situation or i will find someone who helps me find happiness within myself and adds to my situation. (see what i did there? 😉
    sigh. one day.


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