Posted by: ecrivain | August 31, 2013

Long weekends always make me feel a little…well, at loose ends. Inevitably, I have no plans. Well, no, that’s not true. The sister and brother-in-law have invited the family over — and while aunts, uncles and cousins will descend on one location for this long weekend, it’s not exactly fun.

Or maybe I only think it’s heinous because I feel like I’m in arrested development and have nothing new to report back to these people the few times a year that I’m forced to interact with them.

But it’s not exactly true that nothing new has happened to me — the only problem is that all the new stuff has been on the work front and I don’t want to sound like some tedious bore, going on and on about work…though, I suppose that’s better than saying nothing and appearing like some sullen deaf mute who is rightfully alone.

Do you think we ever grow out of that phase of needing to appear successful/accomplished/happy in the eyes of others? Why isn’t it enough to feel that way internally and leave it at that?

I’ve mentioned that sense of falling further and further behind — as if life were a race — and I’ve come to some really disturbing realizations about myself…namely that, I have this weird sense of superiority over certain people in my life…certain people I call friends.

One friend has — for whatever reason — always been in awe of me. She thinks I’ve actually led an interesting life (!) and will turn to me for the last word on a lot of decisions in her life.

While she thinks of me as her best friend, I know I take her for granted; sometimes, I’m actually annoyed by her presence because she’s like that annoying hanger-on from school…you know, that one annoying kid you didn’t really want to be friends with and who follows you around like some puppy dog, slavishly devoted to you for completely unfathomable reasons.

She’s a copy cat who, weirdly enough, likes to do everything that I do. If I buy a bag, she’ll immediately decide that she likes it too and wants the bag, as well. If I start shopping somewhere, she’ll want to start shopping there as well.

This friend is married. And she’s horrible to her husband.

It’s one thing for me to talk bitterly about men in general, but to listen to her repeat those things and say them to her husband as insults — and think it’s funny? Well, it just leaves me wondering how the hell someone like her ever managed to find someone to fall in love with her enough to agree to live the rest of his life with her.

And it was one of those weird situations where, he happened to be in a store, saw her and decided to approach her because he liked how she looked.

And this friend isn’t a looker. For one thing, she’s got a lot of hair…some of it is on her face.

Ok, ok. I can already hear you. You’re asking why the hell I’m friends with her.

Well…I don’t think we’re really truly friends. I’ll often forget about her and then she’ll resurface, sending me texts and calling me to see how I’m doing. It’s really one-sided actually.

A huge part of me can’t understand what I did to deserve this type of devoted friendship from her.



  1. Hey, first off I’m glad your back! I know what you mean about long weekends/holidays………them “ohhh x is coming up soon, I suppose you’re having a big party?” me “um…no?” them “going out then, eh?” me “ummm…no?” them “oh. Doing anything?” me “well…um…not really?” them *awkward silence* Yeah really makes you feel great. I can’t really comment on your friend, I only have a couple of friends and I hang onto them fiercely, I’m usually the initiator in our contacts and I pretty much always say yes when they want me to go somewhere/do something for fear of upsetting them, but I still think my one friends shoes are heinous so, y’know, there is that. And I may go along but I won’t do things (drink, smoke, jump off a cliff) just because they think it’s a great idea. Oh god, maybe I’m that friend? Minus the husband of course 😉

  2. “Do you think we ever grow out of that phase of needing to appear successful/accomplished/happy in the eyes of others? Why isn’t it enough to feel that way internally and leave it at that?”

    That’s why it’s best to find your own happiness and not let others define you. But even if people try to judge you, you’ll be too busy living your own life to care.

    As for your friend, imitation is usually the biggest form of flattery, but in her case it sounds like she doesn’t have the best sense of self and isn’t the happiest in her life.

    If you’re not happy with her as a friend, have you considered tactfully breaking it off with her? It’s better to end the friendship if it’s not working out as opposed to trying to maintain something that isn’t there.

  3. When you are at large family gatherings, etc…I find that deflection often helps. Try bringing up news or other current events, maybe TV shows or music. Or just ask people about themselves. I’m with Dienna that maybe you should consider just making a clean break from this friend. Despite all the technology we have nowadays, it’s still very easy to “lose touch” with people.

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